I know a lot of people have NYR's. I never do. I don't know why, but maybe a part of me does not like disappointment and I fear that by giving myself a NYR I am setting myself up for disappointment.
Instead, I like to look back at the preceding year and reflect.
2011 was a bowl of mixed feelings. I really went through a lot (emotionally) As the year rolled on by, more things happened, and of course while I was in the middle of it all I never stopped to realize just how much I was actually going through.
The year started off by me losing my Uncle Helmuth. Even though we hadn't seen eachother in years, my Uncle Helmuth is the type of man who leaves a mark in your life even if you've only met him once. It was heartbreaking to watch my best friend lose her dad and to suffer, mourn and go through her dad's belongings to sort through the messes. What was more sad was that Yvonne was bringing a baby into the world who would never get a chance to meet her "opa".
Dwayne was sick for 7 months. Severely sick. I have been with him for almost 7 years and have experienced him sick before, however - none of his previous sicknesses could have prepared me for this one. It was terrible. Watching someone you love be as sick as he was tore my hert apart. I did my best to keep myself together for him. I did not want hom to see how much it was breaking my heart.
In April, Cameron broke his leg. and even though most people would say "It's just a broken leg" for me it was much much more. He was in Sick Kids, which as you all know holds a lot of history for me. So....being in that hospital brought back a lot of feelings that had been neatly tucked away. Not only that, but I had to spend a stupid amount of time with Greg, Phyllis and Al....which totally sucked. Cameron's broken leg and surgery was stressful as the outcome was unkown and we wouldn't quite know how his leg was going to heal. Now - we all know it healed wrong. :(
June was the BEST month of the year. I married the love of my life. Not only that, but I realized just how awesome my sisters are. (and Mommy). I always knew my sis's were great, but honestly....they came together at a time when I most needed them, and they knocked mysocks off!!! Marrying Dwayne was probably the most important thing I have ever done in my life. 4 weeks before the wedding (which is when we changed the date) we took an oath of celebacy (is that how you spell it? haha) I completely devoted myself, Dwayne and our marraige to God. Mom, Kev and I fasted for Dwayne, in prayer that he would be healed. By the time our wedding day rolled around, his sickness had improved enough where he could enjoy our amazing day.
July brought another broken bone for Cameron, one in which I will never feel sorry for !!! He broke the bone in his hand by his thumb by punching Jacob. Serves him right!
Erica moved out. I was prepared for this, however never realized the impact it would have on my everyday life until she said the words "I'm not coming back". I don't knwo why.....call me positive....I really never thought Erica would ever move out. Maybe I'm just stupid. It's still weird not having her here. The other day I almost called her down for dinner! Our relationship has improved (I think) since she left, so I guess there is a "bright" side.
Sept brought 2 things. My baby girl turned 16. WOWZERS!!!!! That in itself was nuts. Seriously? I can still see her "baby" face when I look at her. And, on her sweet 16th birthday, I lost my Grampa. Grampa was honestly the coolest old man I have ever known. I loved him with all my heart. Lucky for me I had the honor of spending 6 months with him. I practically lived with him and gramma and got to get to know him better. He was such an amazing man, with amazing stories and an even better sense of humor.
October Dwayne and I quit smoking. HOW I ever managed to do that....I'll never know! I only did it for Dwayne. I didn't want to quit. Really didn't want to! But I couldn't help but feel that a future illness would be totally my fault. We've had a few cigs here and there (at parties or whatever) but neither of us has gone back full time, nor have we bought any smokes.
Dwayne's sister Mandi was in and out of hospital through December. It was hard for me to see Dwayne suffer through this. He is super close with his family and any time something goes wrong...he suffers.
During all this time, I have been suffering in sever stomach pains. I won't go into detail about all that, but as most of you know, I have been going through tests and have more coming up.
Now, it's January and you've already read what December was like for me.
So, instead of a resolution, I will only hope that 2012 brings less deaths, better health and less drama!
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